The Key(s) To A Man's Heart
by SoldierOfMyShadowyMind
Summary: Thomas asks Jimmy to teach him playing the piano.


It was already late but Thomas was still awake. He had just had his evening smoke and had now decided to go back inside. It was bloody cold outside and the courtyard as well as the grounds around the abbey lay under a thick layer of snow. Thomas liked the silence the winter brought with it. The land was peacefully asleep and he himself felt at peace with the world. A feeling he rarely experienced. But now he truly felt good. He took a last drag of his cigarette and smiled relaxed at the warm feeling in his chest. Then he stubbed the fag out on the snowy ground. He sent smoke trailing into the air and watched the grey cloud dissipate into the night. Thomas wanted to stay outside and enjoy this feeling of peace a little longer but he was freezing and the thought of his warm bed waiting for him was just too inviting.

He yawned. Christ, he was tired! Thomas hid his frozen hands in his pockets and slowly shuffled towards the door. When he opened it warmth greeted him friendly and he couldn't help but smile pleasantly. He silently closed the door behind him and made his way down the corridor. He had only made a few steps when he suddenly heard something. He stopped and listened. It was a quiet, faint sound. A distant…_melody_. Thomas needed a couple of seconds before he realised that someone was playing the piano. And this someone could only be…

He walked down the corridor and stopped at the servant's hall. The door was left ajar. He opened it and cautiously peered inside. Jimmy was sitting at the piano. He was the source of the quiet, somewhat sad, melancholic melody. Thomas pushed the door a little further open and stood leaning against the door frame, listening. Jimmy didn't notice him. He seemed to be wholly concentrated on what he was doing. Almost carried away. Thomas watched him and the little smile again appeared on his face. Jimmy looked so beautiful! His body slightly moved back and forth in time with the music.

_So beautiful._

But also a bit…_lonely._ Thomas searched his mind for another word but couldn't find one that expressed the feeling, the atmosphere in the dimly lit room. Lonely.

"That's wonderful" he heard himself say.

Jimmy spun around, startled. The music abruptly stopped.

"Mr Barrow." It almost sounded like a question; the footman's voice was higher than usual, slightly alarmed. "Still awake at this time of night?"

"I could ask you the same" Thomas returned with a smile. Pulling away from the door frame he slowly sauntered towards Jimmy who was still staring at him.

Thomas tried to read his expression. What was it that he saw in his eyes? Surprise? Certainly. But there was something else… Fear?

_But why?_

"What's the name of this?" Thomas nodded towards the piano. The piece Jimmy had played still echoed in his ears.

"Hm?" Jimmy blinked. "Oh, that was Rêverie by Debussy."

Thomas looked out of the window. The wind was swirling the snowflakes around. His voice sounded absent when he spoke.

"It's beautiful."

"It's my favourite" Jimmy said quietly.

For a while they stood in silence till Thomas suddenly turned around, a foolish idea on his mind.

"Would you…show me how to play?"

The blond footman looked at him, now genuinely surprised. "You mean…_teach_ you?"

Thomas cast his eyes downwards. It was stupid to ask. But now he couldn't take it back. All of a sudden he felt nervous.

"Just a bit. But only if it's okay for you" he added hastily.

Thomas felt Jimmy's eyes study him carefully. Then he finally spoke.

"Of course I don't mind. I mean, I never actually taught anyone. But I can try. "

Thomas raised his head. Did he really agree? He realised that he just did and smiled shyly.

"Alright, um…" Jimmy stood up and placed one of the chairs from the table next to his own in front of the piano.

"Sit down" he said and Thomas did as he was told.

"Did you ever play before?" the younger man asked.

Thomas shook his head. "Never. I'm not quite the musical type."

"Okay, that makes it a bit difficult." Jimmy was silent for a while, obviously thinking. "I'm an awfully bad teacher, you know?" he smiled and chuckled quietly.

"I don't think so" Thomas returned without thinking.

Jimmy looked at him, slightly confused.

Thomas felt the blood rush to his cheeks and averted his gaze. After such a long time of friendship Jimmy was still making him feel uncomfortable sometimes.

_How is it possible that you love a person that much?_

"I mean" he began, nervously searching for a plausible explanation. He really should learn to control his words! But that was easier said than done when Jimmy was around. Then he finally mumbled, "You said you never really taught anyone before so you can't know if you're really that bad." He glanced up and cautiously added, "And you play wonderfully."

"Thanks" Jimmy muttered. It wasn't rarely that someone complimented him for his playing. But this wasn't _someone_. This was Thomas.

"Alright then. I think I should show you the basic grips first" he said, breaking the silence. "The right hand plays the melody itself. The left hand's only responsible for the obbligato. Here." Jimmy played a very short melody. Ending, he looked up. "Now you."

"What? I can't…" Thomas attempted to protest but Jimmy interrupted him.

"I'll help you. Take your left hand." He showed him the keys. "And now you play. Like this." Jimmy played a small sequence of notes. "Just try. It's easy. It's not as complicated as it looks."

Thomas tried – and failed completely. "It's more complicated than I thought." He drew his hand away from the keys. "I'll never be as good as you."

"You just have to practice. Learning by doing, you know?" Jimmy said encouragingly. "We'll play together. Come on. Everybody needs a few tries."

Thomas cautiously touched the keys. It looked so easy when Jimmy did it. It was like a magic art to which he could never get access to. It was like a secret he would never be told. Only through Jimmy he had discovered the beauty of music. He loved watching him when he played. Watching his fingers dance over the black and white keys, listening to the beautiful melodies they elicited from the piano.

"Okay" Jimmy's gently voice broke his train of thought. "Let's try it again. "

When they played together it was easier for Thomas to find the right keys. After a few times he could play the first part quite well.

"See? I told you it would work." Jimmy smiled somewhat proudly. Proud that his apprentice learned so quickly. He looked at Thomas. The fear was gone from his eyes.

"And now the second part." Again the footman played it himself and then instructed Thomas what to do. The second part was more difficult and Thomas needed quite some time before he got it right.

"Seems I'm getting the hang of it. Slowly, but that's better than nothing, isn't it?" He looked up to meet Jimmy's gaze. The younger man laughed lightly.

"It's all about what you feel when you're playing, you know? You have to give it a soul. You can't play when you don't _feel_ the music. It's the same with your clocks. Music is life and the piano is the instrument through which you can give it a life. It's the quiet tones that make the melody."

Thomas remained silent. What Jimmy had said – it was true. But how he had said it – almost poetically.

"And…what do you feel when you're playing?" he eventually asked quietly, not sure if he had the right to ask, let alone know the answer.

Jimmy thought about it. Thomas already thought he had made a mistake, crossed the invisible line, and was about to apologise, when Jimmy responded in a low and thoughtful voice,

"It feels like being in another world; like being free. I can't describe it. It's just…_everything._ Music is the only way to express feelings clearly, in the right way, if you know what I mean. Without being changed through talking. Words always destroy feelings but music can convey them as they should be. With their true meaning. It's really hard to describe it. You just have to feel it yourself."

During this Jimmy avoided Thomas's eyes. He looked down at the keys, at his hands. His look was somewhat distant, absent. The music, this was _his_ world. His own little world only he could enter. Thomas caught himself wishing that Jimmy would let him into his world of tones. Or better say, let him be a part of it, a part of his _life_. Just as the thought crossed his mind he chided himself for thinking it.

"That sounds…" he searched for a suitable word, "magic."

Jimmy glanced up, suddenly dragged out of his daydream. "You shouldn't give too much on what I'm saying" he said almost apologetically with a nervous grin on his lips. "So, err, where were we?"

They practiced the part of the piece another few times till Jimmy finally said, now completely calm again and, as Thomas thought with a sudden feeling of pleasant surprise when he secretly glanced at his smiling eyes, almost happy, "Alright. And now both hands together."

"What?" Thomas looked a bit concerned. "But…"

"Don't worry. I know you can do it. Just try. I'll help you."

"Okay" Thomas lengthened the word, quirking an eyebrow worriedly, obviously not at all convinced.

The first attempt to connect the two parts failed.

"Concentrate" Jimmy advised him.

"That's bloody difficult!" Thomas complained.

Jimmy laughed. "All right. You concentrate on your left hand and I'll guide the other one."

Thomas flinched slightly as Jimmy gently placed his right hand on Thomas's. But Jimmy didn't seem to notice.

"You set the time" he said.

Thomas cautiously began to play and immediately felt a soft pressure on his hand when Jimmy led his fingers over the keys.

"Slowly! Don't rush it!" the blond laughed when Thomas got totally muddled.

_How can I concentrate when your hand's on mine?_

But then he managed to play the piece right – with Jimmy's help but that wasn't important since this was the first time he actually played the piano.

"Good" Jimmy complimented. "Now close your eyes."

"What?" Thomas looked genuinely confused.

"You have to be able to play it with closed eyes, only then you can play it right. You have to feel it."

Thomas blinked, confusion still written all over his face.

"Erm…alright" he said slowly and closed his eyes. His fingers found the keys and he experimentally pressed one down. It was strange not to see what he was doing. Slowly and cautiously he began to play. And because his eyes were closed he didn't see that Jimmy was looking at him with a painful, almost torn expression in his eyes. And because he couldn't see anything he also didn't notice that Jimmy suddenly leaned in, closing his own eyes when he pressed his lips tenderly against Thomas's. Thomas felt the gentle touch, overwhelmed by the warmth and tenderness of Jimmy's lips softly moving on his. He wasn't able to concentrate on anything anymore, too surprised and overwhelmed by this wonderful feeling. When Jimmy drew back Thomas opened his eyes and voiced hoarsely,

"I didn't know you meant this when you said I have to feel _it._"

The younger man smiled bashfully. "Well, I didn't know either" he answered.

For a while they just looked at each other; Thomas trapped in Jimmy's beautiful eyes.

Then Jimmy mumbled, his voice but a whisper, "I'm just sorry it took me so long."

Thomas smiled. "I'd wait forever if it was necessary" he simply responded.

Jimmy's smile was shy when he turned towards the piano and began to play the melody with which it had all begun.

"It's beautiful" Thomas whispered. "But it's…sad."  
Jimmy glanced up. "That's why it's my favourite." Then his look became distant as his eyes darted towards the window and watched the snowflakes fall.

"It expresses what I feel." He paused and then corrected himself. "What I _felt_ before this evening. Sad and lonely. Because I thought I could never be with you."

"But why didn't you say anything?" Thomas's voice broke.

Jimmy shrugged. "I don't know. I suppose I was…scared." He looked back at Thomas and the smile appeared on his face again. "But now I know that this fear was causeless."

So Thomas had been right with what he had felt when he had entered the room.

"Fortunately" he said with a grin.

It were the quite tones that made the melody.

_How true._


End file.
